You know that you’re going to have a great Monday when you fall over your own feet before you have even reached the office. Yes… I did just that last week! Mortified would be an understatement, but I had to laugh when I dusted myself off and carried on walking. It’s not just MSers that fall over in life. Everyone has the ability to lose balance; just us warriors more so than most!
Losing full feeling in my feet has set me back a few steps (quite literally!) and I have been feeling pretty irritated that I’m not donning my nicest heels on a night out at the moment. At least I’m not having to carry my shoes home after an evening of Beyoncé dancing!
That thought brings me nicely to a subject I’ve been contemplating writing about for a while. In the same way that everyone has the ability to fall over, we can all experience heartbreak. But does having MS or an invisible illness make this any more difficult?
Looking for Mr Right can feel like a challenge at the best of times. Awkward first dates, first impressions and spending hours rummaging through your wardrobe for the perfect outfit. Putting your trust and feelings in someone else’s hands can be really daunting and as they say; you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.
Now imagine this anticipation knowing that you are holding something back. I have always been a firm believer that my MS does not define me as an individual, but equally I have to accept that as much as it is an inconvenience for me; the moment I share my life with another person, they may also have to bear the brunt of Bella’s outbursts. If you are new to reading my blogs, click here to read about who Bella is.
I was in a long term relationship when I was first diagnosed, so finding out that I had this long term condition meant that my boyfriend and I both started to research how this could affect our future. There were times when I found it challenging to open up about what my future would hold for me. It pushed me further away emotionally, as I felt confused and scared. As we were in a long distance relationship, not being able to discuss my emotions face to face for fear of losing him; probably caused us both to feel more distant than we actually were. I couldn’t stop thinking about everything that may or may not happen to me that could cause us to break up. I also didn’t want to be constantly whinging about it, it’s not exactly the most cheery of topics! Luckily at the time Tom and I were together, he read up on all aspects of MS and in general was so supportive to me through some of the really tough times. Although we parted ways, we still remain friends and have no hard feelings towards each other.
I think it’s safe to say that all relationships that last and that are worth the fight; are based on chemistry and true love. Of course, feelings can change over time and life may push you into different directions to what you expect. I do believe though that if your crush/love interest (or even friend) can’t see past your invisible illness, then they are not worth your time. Although I can preach about people not being worth having if they can’t see past your health, sometimes when your health is all you feel like you are contending with; it can definitely be a challenge. It still terrifies me opening up to someone new about having MS. I always find myself blurting out to anyone I meet that I have MS, as if I have to give them a heads up or a warning as to what they may expect hanging out with me.
If I meet someone and tell them it sounds like I am in an AA meeting ‘Hi my name’s Rachel and I have MS!. Equally acting oblivious to everything and not being open in discussing it, could be viewed as being deceitful; as if it’s a horrible secret I have to hide. The truth is yes, it can be a pain in the ass! You may have to adapt the way you do things, but you can still experience long and happy relationships with MS.
The real question is when do you tell someone? Should you tell them before you’ve even met them? Does it even matter? Maybe they should get to know me before they get to know Bella too? I always think that the moment someone sees me having a bad day with symptoms that they will do a runner. That if someone turns around and says that they are no longer interested; it must be because of my MS.
I have to remember that there is more to me than my health and maybe that person is not Mr Right or Mr Right now. I definitely experienced my fair share of heartbreaks before MS was in the picture! I just hope I would never even be attracted to someone that would leave me just because of having MS. I’d like to think I have better taste and go for nice genuine guys.
I honestly don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer in when you tell someone about your MS or invisible illness. You may want to make the person aware so that if you are having a funny moment and need to recuperate; you can be honest and not have to pretend that everything is ok. Some people may have pre conceived ideas on what your condition means and may have the complete wrong end of the stick. Setting them straight on how you cope, may make them understand better how to help you. On the other hand, you shouldn’t have to be judged before you’ve even had the chance to sell yourself.
Be confident, be yourself and warrior on. You never know, one day someone may put an R between the M and the S.